Love to Hate You
by Legendgrass
Summary: Adora and Catra are trapped in the Crystal Castle together. Plagued by memory simulations, old resentment, and new emotions, the two struggle to make amends before their differences tear them apart. Alternate ending to Episode 11: Promise.


_Adora and Catra have just exited another one of the First Ones' simulations: a memory of their first time in the Black Garnet chamber. Shadow Weaver's threats to Catra still ring in the air._

...

As Catra shook off the last lingering traces of the memory, she came to herself furious. Her muscles, drawn taut as a bowstring, were nearly trembling with the strength of the emotion. Her top lip curled in a snarl as she turned on her unwilling companion and blurted, "You always need to play the hero, don't you?"

_I—? _Adora's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief. "I was only trying to protect you," she protested. Had Catra completely misread the whole memory? She was defending her the entire time!

"You _never_ protected me," the feline countered instantly, throwing out her arms in emphasis. "Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side."

_That's what she's angry about? I didn't protect her _enough_? _Adora struggled to find the right words to say. What could make up for a decade of resentment built on a misunderstanding? _I tried my best for you!_

Catra took her hesitation to be incriminating. Her multihued eyes narrowed and she pressed in aggressively. "Admit it: you love being her favorite!"

"That's not true!"

"Oh yeah?" Catra was baring her teeth, showing off fangs. They looked about ready to tear Adora's throat out. "When you left, who do you think took the fall for you?" she demanded, jabbing a claw into the blonde's chest. "Who was protecting me then?"

_I thought you didn't _want _to be protected! _Adora fumed. Catra was making this difficult for her on purpose. "You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore," she pointed out, frustration coloring her voice. She threw out one arm. "You can leave! Just like I did."

Catra's mane bristled. "Oh, because you want me to follow you everywhere you go?"

_There she goes again! _Adora took a deep breath to quell her rising anger. She just couldn't win. She wanted to shout and punch something and tear her own hair out (or Catra's, ideally), but she knew from experience that matching the feline's fury would do no good. So as Catra stalked around her and continued down the hall, the blonde trailed after, forcing herself calm. "I didn't mean it that way," she said. Almost no trace of desperation made it into her voice. Almost.

"I don't _want_ to leave. What don't you understand about that?" Catra seethed, whirling around with her fists clenched. Her eyes flashed with impatience as if she thought Adora might be slow. A heartbeat passed where the feline reined in her anger with effort, and then, a speck of her tension easing, she straightened and turned her gaze to scowl into the distance instead. "I'm not afraid of Shadow Weaver anymore." Her eyes flicked back to Adora and they were narrowed in challenge. "And I'm a better Force Captain than you would've ever been."

Adora felt as if she'd been punched in the gut. _Is that what this is about? _she wondered. If Catra had secretly wanted that this entire time…to beat Adora at something; to one-up her… _And I never let her. _No wonder she was so angry.

_I never knew, _Adora thought guiltily_. _But that wasn't her fault, she reasoned. Catra had told her time and time again that 'second place suits me just fine!' How was she supposed to know otherwise? Mind reading? As much as she tried to write it off as ridiculous, a sinking feeling weighed like a stone in her stomach as Adora berated herself: _You knew her better than that. _Regardless she said weakly, "You always said you didn't care about things like that."

"Well I was lying, _obviously_!" Catra's screamed response wasn't a surprise, but Adora still flinched in shame. She could say nothing until a livid, shaken Catra turned away and began to retreat down the corridor once again.

"Catra, just wait!"

Adora didn't realize that she'd grabbed Catra's shoulder until the Hordie caught her wrist and ripped it away. Her gold and blue eyes burned with something very near hatred as she leaned in close and demanded, "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone?" Her grip on Adora's wrist went deadly tight and her voice rose: "I didn't _want _you to come back, Adora!"

The fateful words seemed to echo around them. They rang in Adora's ears once, twice, infinitely. Each time they chipped a little piece from her heart until there was nothing but a gaping hole where she'd once felt.

Adora was left staring at her enemy in shock. Too empty for tears. She let her hands fall to her sides limply.

Catra was panting slightly as if the words had drained her of energy. Adora hoped they had. She wanted some part of Catra to feel the same pain she did. To realize that she didn't mean it. To take it all back and restore the friendship they'd once had. She knew it was useless.

Indeed, Catra turned away from her with a low noise of disgust. "I spent all that time hoping you'd come back to the Horde," she began, her back to Adora. Her voice was rough, with what emotion Adora couldn't determine anymore. She hoped against hope that maybe Catra was changing her mind. Maybe there was something left in her heart for Adora. Maybe… "—when really, you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me."

The timid hope was dashed.

_Just like that? _

Their past meant nothing? Everything they'd been through, everything they'd faced together meant nothing? All because Catra was jealous?

_Or, because of me. _Adora hung her head and watched two lone tears hit the floor between her feet. She knew they would not be the last. She had to swallow down a lump in her throat before she could speak. "So you're going to help the Horde destroy the world just to get back at me?" she asked softly.

"I'd do _anything _just to get back at you!" Catra hissed acidly over her shoulder. She turned just enough to fix her glare on Adora's face. "Everything bad that's happened to me is _your_ fault. All that time, you were holding me back. Making me feel weak. Just so you could be number one. Little Miss Perfect." Her lip curled in a snarl and she spat finally, "_She-Ra_."

"That's not how it was, Catra!" Adora spread her hands helplessly. She didn't know why she was still arguing when Catra was obviously not hearing it. "I never meant to make you feel like you were second best!" She couldn't stop the wave of tears that spilled out along with her words. "I never meant to hurt you." She swiped at the droplets uselessly. "I'm sorry."

For a moment Catra's brows twitched in something other than anger. Before Adora could dare to hope that it was forgiveness, the feline looked away. "It's too late for that now, Adora," she said. There was a long moment where Adora simply waited, miserable, and Catra stared unreadably in the other direction. The only sounds were Adora's sniffles and the faint scratch of claws on metal as Catra shifted her footing. Then the cat abruptly turned, and her lips were twisted in regret. "You know? Once upon a time I would have done anything for you."

Those words struck a whole new blow to Adora's aching heart. "Catra, I would _still _do anything for you," she cried, closing the distance to her lost companion. She raised one hand and then changed her mind and let it fall again, empty. Her voice wavered but she managed to get out: "I only ever wanted to keep you safe."

"Stop lying to me!" the feline raged. Unconsciously her claws had come unsheathed, but Adora ignored them, instead stepping closer.

_She's in there somewhere, _she thought desperately_. The Catra I know._

"You know I'm telling the truth," she pressed. "I care about you, Catra!" _The Catra I love._

Catra showed her fangs. "Well, I don't care about you!"

Adora stopped in front of her, her stance wide and determined. Her eyes were still damp with tears but she glared through them. "At the top of Frosta's palace—" She felt her stomach flutter at the thought— "I could have let you fall! And you could have let me fall, too, but— but you didn't. That doesn't sound like you don't care." She spread her hands at her sides. "You can't tell me there's nothing left between us."

Catra made a noise of frustration and raked her fingers viciously through her mane. "There is no _us!_" she maintained.

Despite Catra's scowl, Adora thought she saw the flicker of uncertainty behind her blue and gold eyes. So she said, "I don't believe you," and took a step closer. As Catra took a small, unwilling step back, Adora held her hand out to her. "We can make this right, Catra. Come with me. The Rebellion will welcome you. We can fight side by side this time. Together. And—"

"No!" Catra cut her off, throwing her hands down vehemently. "It's too late for that."

"No it's not," Adora argued fiercely. "Come with me." She stretched her hand out further. She wanted nothing more than for Catra to forgive her and come to the Rebellion. Adora couldn't keep fighting her like this. They had been through too much together to remain enemies. Back in the Horde, they'd fought together. They'd faced Shadow Weaver together. They'd survived together. They were strong together. _We still can be._

Adora's pleading blue eyes had little effect on Catra's glare. In fact, the feline bristled even more, shying away from her enemy's offered hand. "Never," she grated in a low voice. Her gaze flickered between Adora's face and her hand as if expecting one of them to betray her.

_She's scared, _Adora realized. And why wouldn't she be? Catra had been burned by her before. At that thought, Adora's gut clenched in shame and she felt her fingers curl closed against her will. She dropped her gaze to avoid seeing the pain crouching behind Catra's multicolored orbs.

It really was her fault. She'd left Catra behind. She'd betrayed her whole childhood in a day and sided with the enemy. _But they're not the enemy! _her brain tried to protest. Her emotions knew better. _That's not the point, _they reasoned. _That's not what matters to Catra._

_What matters is you left _her_._

Horde and princesses aside, Catra deserved better.

Adora knew she could do nothing to change what was said and done. But she hoped that there might still be redemption for her if she won over Catra here, now. There was nothing else she could do to keep the snarky feline in her life. _No—by my side, _she amended, hit with a sudden rush of emotion. _By my side. _She didn't realize that she was staring into her rival's eyes with warm intensity. Faced with Catra now, all she could think was, _The only place I want you is by my side._

But that was too much, Adora told herself abruptly. She felt herself blushing as she noticed the confusion in Catra's expression and instead said, "Come with me, Catra." Her hands ventured out and snagged the feline's, making her jump. "I can protect you this time."

The surprise on the cat's face quickly twisted into a snarl. "I don't need you," she said defiantly. She tried to shake Adora's hands away, but the blonde held fast. Catra hissed. "Get your— " Her words turned into an angry grunt as she shifted and jabbed her elbow up toward Adora's face to ward her off.

The pseudo-princess jerked back out of range but kept her hold on Catra's other wrist, much to the latter's displeasure, who revealed her fangs to show it. Adora barely had the time to chuckle at her expense before the feline lunged in close, aiming her elbow at her gut. The blonde dodged by pivoting around Catra and yanking her captured arm up over her head, forcing her into a twirl almost as if they were dancing. The cat roared in frustration as she caught her balance against Adora's body and pushed away immediately.

"Not this again," she spat as she straightened her crooked headgear.

Adora felt one side of her mouth lift in a grin. "Was it really so bad to dance with me?" she joked. She couldn't say why she suddenly felt so energized. Was it the fight? Just adrenaline?

Or was she excited to perform opposite Catra again? Her mouth ran away with that incriminating thought and she blurted, "I never did get to tell you how good you look in a suit."

Catra chuckled disarmingly. "Oh, you didn't have to."

_What's that supposed to mean!_

Adora's thoughts scattered as Catra jerked her forward by the arm and brought her free hand around in a swing toward Adora's face. The blonde barely had time to duck beneath the punch, but Catra's momentum still drove her forward. Her middle hit Adora's tucked shoulder, and in a heartbeat Adora had grabbed Catra around the legs and tackled her, sending the feline head over heels over her back.

Catra cried out as she hit the ground. Adora stepped toward her, suddenly guilty. "Are you—?"

She yelped as Catra's tail snagged her ankle. A twist, and Adora was on her back as well. She stared up at the ceiling in shock.

"Will you ever _not_ fall for that?" Catra mocked, coming to lean over her. One of her claws flicked Adora in the forehead. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one."

Adora grimaced in embarrassment. In one sudden movement she bucked off the ground and flipped over Catra, pinning her in turn with a knee in her stomach. She struggled and hissed, but Adora held her wrists to the floor with all her weight. When the feline finally gave up and pushed out her lower lip dejectedly, one of her brows twitching, Adora's grin widened. "Right," she said, "and I thought cats always landed on their feet."

"All right, I get it!" Catra complained, balling her trapped hands into fists. "Now let me up."

"No. You'll just scratch my eyeballs."

Catra sighed a long, put-upon sigh. "No, I won't," she grumbled. "I don't want to mess up your face."

An unexpected blush rose to Adora's cheeks. _Really? _Though she was not convinced, she narrowed her eyes at the feline and then hesitantly released her wrists.

While Catra withdrew her arms to cross them over her chest, Adora's mood grew sober again. The reality of their situation settled heavily back onto her shoulders. She looked down into Catra's face without a trace of teasing in her eyes. "You know this isn't worth it, Catra," she said. Even when Catra made a noise of disgust, she pressed on: "So let's stop." She leaned closer, holding those blue and gold eyes earnestly. "Come home with me."

Catra's face darkened in a confused mixture of emotions. She looked like she was trying to scowl, but at the same time her mouth was pinched as if she were holding back tears. She slid her gaze away unhappily. "Your home used to be with _me_."

Adora's lungs suddenly felt empty. She wanted to comfort Catra, but she knew the Hordie would sooner punch her then accept any affection.

_I don't care, _she told herself fiercely. _This is more important. _She raised her hands to Catra's face and cradled it gently. One thumb traced over a scuff on the cat's cheek. Adora tried to fight down the waver in her voice as she said, "It can be again." Her heartbeat was coming faster than usual. _When was the last time Catra had someone care for her? _she wondered. Her chest ached with regret.

For a moment Catra looked stunned. Her cheeks reddened slightly and her ears twitched. Then she blinked, and her senses seemed to return to her. "You can't promise that," she retorted. She knocked Adora's hands away from her face and then shoved her back by the shoulders. "You couldn't before. Remember?"

Adora, stung, let herself fall back slightly. She knew what Catra meant. The exact words came back to her just then and rang in her ears, haunting her: _You promise?_ Her hands dropped to her sides. _I couldn't before, _her mind confirmed. _Except— _"I wasn't She-Ra before."

Catra sat up on her elbows under her new freedom. She was glaring, but it didn't seem wholly directed at Adora. "Pfft. Right, I forgot. _She-Ra _can do anything," she drawled sarcastically.

"Everyone seems to think so," Adora snapped, crossing her arms and looking away in annoyance. "That's why they all like She-Ra better than Adora."

Suddenly Catra's claws were gripping Adora's chin, turning the blonde back to face her. Her multicolored eyes were hard. "Well, _I _don't."

Adora felt short of breath again, but this time it wasn't bad news that knocked the air out of her. She studied Catra's face intently, searching for her meaning, but the feline was frustratingly hard to read. There were a million things she wanted to ask. _Does this mean you forgive me? Does this mean you'll come? Or are you just trying to distract me again?_

_Why is it so _easy _to get distracted by you?_

She didn't voice any of these. Instead she said wryly, mostly to cover her own embarrassment, "So you admit you do like me."

Catra's ears flattened in instant indignation. "That's not—!"

"It's okay. I like you too." _Too much. _Adora smiled softly. Not quite jokingly. She watched Catra's face as a series of emotions flitted across her feline features: first annoyance, then pause, confusion, suspicion, and at last realization. The Hordie's jaw tightened and she looked slightly sick.

"Adora…" she began warily.

"I know. Just—" Adora didn't know what she wanted to say. _Just trust me _or _just this once _or _just let go_ or any number of things that were completely inappropriate, but seemed to make perfect sense while Adora was preoccupied with Catra's jewel eyes and her sarcastic mouth and—

"What are you doing?" Catra grabbed Adora's hands and held them away from where they'd been reaching toward her mane.

"I missed you, Catra," the blonde burst out much more desperately than she'd intended. For a split second the feline's grip on her loosened in surprise, and Adora used the opportunity to fall forward and throw her arms around the unsuspecting cat. When she pulled back her fingers found their way into Catra's mane and combed through it soothingly, the way she'd done so long ago when a young Catra would wake crying every night from nightmares.

After a short, tense moment Catra seemed to relax into the familiar touch against her will, leaning her head against Adora's roaming hand. When the blonde reached down and scratched beneath her feline ear, a reluctant purr rumbled to life in her chest. Adora ventured a smile at the way Catra's eyes slowly closed in pleasure. _You're adorable. _Despite her tough façade, Catra really was just an affectionate oaf. Adora wouldn't have been surprised if she'd rolled over to have her belly rubbed. She almost wished she would. She wished this could last.

"I missed you," she murmured again, tentatively leaning in to rest her brow against Catra's. What she meant was, _I missed _this _you. I missed old Catra. I missed _my _Catra. _Not Hordak's Catra, or Shadow Weaver's Catra, or whoever this fiery feline had become. She missed the Catra who loved her back.

Catra's eyes snapped open to glare at her and her lip curled. "Stop saying that," she said brusquely. But she didn't pull away. In fact, her hands were wrapped around Adora's wrists as if loathe to let her stop her petting. Her cheeks were red. Her eyes drifted down.

_Oh, man._

"Not until you say it back." Adora felt her own blush deepen as she watched the cat's lips. _Would she…? _No. She didn't want to take the risk. She didn't want to ruin her relationship with Catra for good. But at the same time…what if she never got this chance again? She would regret it if she let this rare moment pass her by. Perhaps forever.

She was staring too hard. She felt a twinge of panic and started to pull back, disentangling herself from the feline even as her heart screamed against her. _You love her! _it reminded her desperately. _She'll never forgive you for this! _

_Either_. Catra would never forgive her for this either. Why did it have to be like this?

Adora's heart was racing as the fought with herself. A bead of nervous sweat hung at her temple. Catra's eyes were fading with every passing second, reverting from her tentative show of vulnerability back to hard, angry unforgiveness. The cat looked away. She started to release Adora's wrists. Adora was losing her.

_No!_

All the gnawing uncertainty was crushed under the sudden weight of desperation. _I love her too much._ Adora couldn't bear to let her go. Not like this. Not after everything. Catra was too valuable.

She raised her hands to Catra's face and swiftly closed the distance in a kiss.

A hoarse noise jumped from Catra's throat as she jerked in shock. Adora felt the feline's claws prick her skin as they tightened around her wrists. There she seemed frozen for a second, breathlessly, _finally _under Adora's unattainable lips.

And then she pushed her away.

Adora's stomach dropped into her toes in indescribable dread as they broke away. She released Catra immediately, scooting back completely out of contact. She couldn't raise her eyes from the floor. "I—I'm sorry, I thought—I didn't mean to—" she was stammering through welling tears. Catra had rejected her. Her chance was gone. Everything was gone. _Now you've done it!_

"Gah, stop being so dramatic," Catra's smug voice broke into her miserable thoughts. Adora looked up in confusion to find the cat approaching her, not a hint of anger or disgust in her eyes.

When Catra came and crouched over her, her tail was sweeping the floor mischievously. Her lips curled in a wicked grin. "I just wanted to do it first."

Adora didn't even have time to be relieved before Catra took her by the chin and pressed their lips together firmly.

There they kissed once, twice, and again, all the while Adora unable to suppress a smile. She lifted her arms and wound them around Catra's neck, pulling her in so the cat had to catch her balance by straddling Adora's lap. Catra chuckled in her throat and it melted immediately into a purr as Adora's hand tangled in her mane. She wrapped her own arms around the blonde's waist and rose up on her knees so that she was looking down on her. Planting a particularly messy kiss and then breaking away suddenly, Catra met her eyes teasingly. "I hate you," she said, her voice huskier than usual.

Adora grinned up at her. "I know." She snagged the feline by the ears and pulled her back down, laughing as her yelp devolved into a growl and then a pleased groan. "And you love it," she mumbled against her companion's lips.

Catra gave a low hum and kissed her hard in agreement.

…


End file.
